Author: Amy Pistone
1) Ashley Graham – Resident Evil 4In my opinion, Leon should have just let her die. She was THAT bad. For someone who is the President’s daughter, one would think that she would have had some self defense training. Or at least some training on how to shut up. For the majority of the game, all Ashley does is whine and allow zombies to attack her. “LEON, HELP!” Help yourself, Ashley. Leon’s busting his tush trying to save you and you aren’t making it any easier for him. The most annoying aspect of the game is having to protect a character that you couldn’t care less about. Ashley had the potential to be a really strong character – writers could have had her mouthing off to her captors, fighting off zombies with as much zeal as Leon, and being a character (or even a love interest) that you actually WANTED to save. Instead, she is by far one of the most annoying characters in all video games, leaving you in the end wondering why they couldn’t have killed her off.
2) Princess Peach – Mario SeriesJust another peaceful day in the Mushroom Kingdom… Mario’s on his way for a nice lovely tea party with Peach… WHAT? SHE’S BEEN KIDNAPPED? IT CAN’T BE! Let me get this straight: I love Peach. She’s cute, pretty, and… well, that’s about it. Seriously, how DUMB does a girl need to be to get kidnapped almost every day of the week? The problem with Peach is just that: she’s flaky and naïve, willing to buy into any of Bowser’s traps. It is a wonder they even let her outside. Princess Peach plays into the dumb woman stereotype, and worst of all, she’s an unappreciative dumb woman! I am in no way saying that all women should fawn all over their men, but after ALL Mario has done for her, she barely gives him a kiss! Shouldn’t Peach’s palace be at the very least, Mario and Peach’s palace? Or if she is not interested in Mario, maybe she should make that clear… and maybe ask Toad or Luigi to save her next time around.
I’m aware that Lara is a strong chick who knows what’s up. She doesn’t need to be saved or protected, she can do that herself! But… who is she trying to impress in those booty shorts? My sole problem with Lara is her impractical clothing, as well as unhealthy body image. No woman, I repeat, no woman, would be swinging on vines in a pair of Daisy Dukes. They’re vastly uncomfortable not to mention completely useless as protection. She might as well be in her underwear – don’t get any ideas now, developers. Even more ridiculous is her absurd body. Lara is pretty much stick-thin with the exception of two enormous… erm… features. It is an unrealistic body type that isolates the female gamers as well as giving some boys an impossible ideal of the perfect woman.
Woman Fail: Having inadequate attire as well as an over-sexed image.
Where do I begin… I know nothing about the Dead or Alive Series, literally nothing, besides that the women look like, well, hussies. As well as the fact that they possess magical anti-gravity skills. I believe one of the games is a volleyball type scenario? The problem with these women is the fact that a game is known for having slutty women. Real volleyball players do not look like that – and they do not wear those ridiculous outfits. It would be so incredibly painful for women that look like these girls to play such a strenuous sport in such unsupportive attire. Oh and guys – they do NOT bounce like that.
Like the Dead or Alive series, these women possess some serious assets that yet again, defy all laws of physics. The women often fight in the most vulgar clothing, if it can even be considered to be that. As they fight, they bounce around on the balls of their feet, bringing further attention to… the ladies. The worst one out of them is Ivy, who fights in an outfit that is largely composed of strings. It would be seriously uncomfortable to fight in that attire. The women are rather beautiful, but their outfits and assets detract from the pretty and cutthroat fighters they are.
6) Marta – Tales of Symphonia
This is a lesser known game, a rather fun one at that, but Marta kind of ruins it for me. She’s an intelligent fighter who seems to lose all of that once she meets Emil. For the entire game, all Marta
Listen! What Navi? Oh, you wanted to point out the Skulltula that was oh-so-obviously in front of me? Okay, thanks Navi. Listen! What? Yes, Navi, I saw that the boss has a very obviously vulnerable eye, thank you Navi. Listen! OH MY GOD NAVI SHUT UP! Navi is possibly the most annoying female in the entire video game universe. She’ll flit around, interrupting at the most inconvenient of times, with her important “Listen!” tidbits. She’s supposed to be “helpful” but 99% of the time she will just pester you until you listen to the most obvious statements ever. Seriously, her urgent notices are things that a toddler could have pointed out. Navi feeds into the whole “women are useless, annoying, and just overall a burden” stereotype. Ocarina of Time is a fantastic game but three minutes of Navi will have you wanting to throw it out the window.
I’m going to keep this one brief because Cortana is a fairly strong character. My problem is with her near nakedness throughout the games. I mean, she’s an AI. They couldn’t have programmed some clothes onto her? Maybe I’m being fickle, but I’m getting sick of all these slutty excuses for women, real or artificial.
As said about the Soul Calibur ladies, the creatable characters are not any better in terms of attire/image. I wanted to create a player that looked just like me. BUT I CAN’T. Because apparently in the Soul Calibur universe, the women have never heard of food. I’m not saying all women characters should be obese or anything, but the fact of the matter is that the Soul Calibur creatable characters come in two types: flat and skinny, or big-breasted and skinny. I would like to see a game with some plus-sized characters, as well as varying heights. There is no one-size-fits-all woman. When these game designers learn this, then I’ll be happy.
This is a rather old, obscure game for the NES. The player plays as Mickey, toting around Minnie for no apparent reason. She is unhelpful and overall just a nuisance. Mickey must always keep an eye on Minnie, for she is always falling into pits. In addition, Minnie will be grabbed on occasion by a crow and taken to hidden parts of the map for Mickey to find. This is an annoying setback for Mickey and the player. I love Minnie as an overall character because she’s sassy and independent, and this game lacks all of that. In fact, it portrays Minnie as another dumb housewife who would lose her head if it wasn’t for her husband.
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